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staying sober

Monday, 1 May 2006

I have a few notes today for you. 1..I am getting better but it is taking a very long time .This has been the nastiest virus I have ever had .. I am back at work but the energy level is very low.2.. I want to let everyone know that it looks like the pilots at delta will sign the contract and I will still have a job .. Last I will leave you with a word about sobriety ......If our mind stays restless, irritable, and discontented, we are always in danger of believing the illusion that a drink would make us feel better.

Posted by sym3540 at 10:50 AM EDT | Post Comment | Permalink
Updated: Monday, 1 May 2006 10:53 AM EDT

Sunday, 16 April 2006

I am getting better

I am still under the weather but I want you to know that I am a little better then I was. I hope I will be up soon so I leave you to day with a sober thought for today

The greatest enemies of the alcoholic are resentment, jealousy, envy, frustration, and fear.

Alway say a prayer Mamaisan

Posted by sym3540 at 7:14 PM EDT | Post Comment | Permalink
Updated: Monday, 17 April 2006 4:39 PM EDT

Sunday, 9 April 2006

A little sometime from my email
Mood:  a-ok
Ego based humans always look for an enemy to blame things on. It is humans nature to be deluded. Going back to the earliest humans, man has always looked for an 'enemy to blame' for lack of rain, too much rain, pestilence, disease and all the rest of his 'supposed' ills. Sometimes there is someone to blame for certain problems, which is usually US. Other times it is just how things are and no one is to blame.
When you stop looking for an enemy to blame your problems on you have made a big break through with finding acceptance and peace. It is always good to remember that all problems are created in the's mind. As well that all of man's problems are 'individual ones' and are not the problems of anything other than 'individual' man's. When a forest fire occurs from natural means and burns a mans home or kills him it may be 'bad' for him. But nature has bigger goals in mind than pleasing the self centered wishes of puny man. The forest fire serves other purposes of regeneration within natures plans and not mans demands. When it floods, nature is just reclaiming what is hers. But man decided he 'owns' nature and does not wish to give it up...greed, attachment and delusion. Again, nature has bigger plans than mans when it floods and replenishes nutrients and keeps the balance in check with its work. It is good to remember that nature does not bow to man and in the end all men will bow to nature.

But what else can you expect from an ego based, delusional human that thinks the world revolves around them? One that thinks even nature and God must serve them, each of them as an individual, above everyone and everything else? This is why Buddhism stresses the idea of no self, a concept that helps cut through these delusions. It is an important concept in itself, one that is too long to go into here, so study it up on your own if you wish to lose the delusion and think clearer. But Buddhist are not out of the water by any means. Much delusion in that tradition as well. Instead of God to blame, they dump it on has always looked for an enemy to blame his woes on.

In Buddhist practice they distinguish the three unwholesome roots as the roots that cause suffering within man. They are: DELUSION, GREED and HATE. Out of these three, delusion is the foundational root, for without seeing delusions for what they are, you cannot distinguish the other two unwholesome roots of greed and hate. But this is only restating the eightfold path of right actions, right thoughts, right view, right intentions, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness and right concentration. Within the sickness of self delusional mind many spiritual practitioners get stuck in the place of trying to be God. They think they know better than God. They think they rule nature and know better than nature. As such they demand their prayers must be answered in full or their ego gets hurt. Deliver the goods God ... or I will not worship you.

In the 12 and 12 of Alcoholics Anonymous it tells us we mistakenly think God is Santa Claus and must come through with our demands, just as we did as greedy children making up a long, impossible list for Santa to fill. Can you imagine if everyone's prayers were answered according to our self centered and conflicting demands? Everyone would be billionaires, some would sprout wings and fly or grow gills and live underwater and no one would grow old. one would ever die...except ones "enemies" that the misguided might prayer
for to die. This is not how the world and spiritual laws work. In the bible it reminds us that God's way is not man's way, and we can all be very grateful for that, as we can see what has happened when demigods take power on earth.

Many women say they can't understand men, just as many men say they can't understand women. Well, to further distill this we can say that God's way /
Higher Power's Way / Nature's Way is not man's way as well as man's way is not woman's way. Every creature has it's way and when you can come to peace with this you will have an easier time of it. To start on your peace journey look for insight into the other creatures suffering and problems. This technique comes from my Buddhist practice. This is easier to do with men or women than
with God. But it can still be done non the same with your higher power, as I mentioned above with the impossibility of satisfying all the demands of a selfish and conflicting world.

The 12 and 12 of AA also reminds us that believing in God or a Higher Power requires "reliance and not defiance." Once we have this reliance and lose the
defiance we can develop "faith that works under all conditions" and we come to realize that "our whole trouble had been a misuse of willpower. We tried to
bombard our problems with it instead of attempting to bring it into agreement with God's or our Higher Power's intention for us." There never is a good time for most of us to die, yet we all come under natural law and must die. so making gocentric demands on God to bypass natural law to be immortal for us or our loved ones is not realistic. My earlier post called "The Definition of a Miracle is the Suspension of Natural Law" discussed this issue.

Change is internal It seems that many of us get stuck with looking for hope of change someplace
else other than within us. All change is ultimately internal in nature, but we have hopes that someone else will do it for us, rather than we doing it
ourselves. Many religious practitioners feel that any good change in their lives will come from the outside -- as a gift from God / gods without much effort from ones own self to change...all they have to do is to pray 'hard' enough - again delusional thinking. There is nothing wrong with asking humbly in prayer or meditation, but there is something wrong with delusional prayer...especially when you think you are the God and know better than the God or Nature. Whenever I pray I always end it with AA's Step 11 - "Praying only for knowledge of God's will and the power to carry it out." I take it out of my hands and turn it over to God. Developing gratitude is very helpful with recovery
work. Now, some people talk of enlightenment or miracles happening, but even these areas of great change still must be ultimately rooted inside the person, as no one can beat them over the head with them and force the change upon the individual. One thing to be mindful of is that once we do change life will still not be perfect. Perfection is again ego based as it is the nature of humans
to not be perfect. As the old Buddhist saying goes: Before enlightenment you chop wood and carry water ~ After enlightenment you chop wood and carry
water. So, develop all the positive changes you can in your life, but be sure to look at such changes in proportion and not as some magic bullet to nirvana. True happiness and serenity is composed of many qualities and not just one. The
first step in finding peace with these subjects is to cut through the
Whether you believe in God or not, delusion will undermine either path you take as is shown I the quote I include above from (...). Developing a good
vipassana practice of seeing things clearly in terms of impermanence, suffering and non-self is very important Seeing things for what they are helps prevent further uprising of new passions from ignorance. Once the new flow of delusion has been lifted, you start the process of 'awakening.' You awaken to a whole new life.
A quote on finding peace from Thich Nhat Hanh "There is no way to peace, peace is the way. This means that we can realize peace right here in the present moment with our look, our smile, our words and our actions. Peace work in not a means, each step we take should be peace. Every step we take should be joy. Every step we take should be happiness. Are you massaging Mother Earth every time your foot touches her? Are you planting
seeds of joy and peace? Enlightenment, peace and joy will not be granted by someone else. The well is within us and if we dig deeply in the present
moment the water will spring forth. If we are determined, we can do it. We don't need the future. We can smile, breath fully and relax Everything we want is here in the present moment. Peace is every step. Shall we continue our journey?"

Take Care,

Posted by sym3540 at 2:14 PM EDT | Post Comment | Permalink
Updated: Sunday, 9 April 2006 2:22 PM EDT

Friday, 7 April 2006

I have a bad head cold
Mood:  spacey
It is said that if you fret enough you can make yourself sick. Well that is want I think I have done. I worried myself into a head cold. I spent yesterday in bed and most of today. I try to stay away from most of the drug that are in the store, most are not good for the blood pressure. I have been heeding the words my mother use to say " feed a cold and stave a fever". Orange juice, chicken soup and I hope that I get better in a few days so I don't spend all my vacation in bed. So now I have made a decision about my future and that is to let go and see what happens and not try and worry myself to death. I am take what comes to me see what that is without working so hard. I let you know how it goes ..One day at a time

Posted by sym3540 at 9:15 PM EDT | Post Comment | Permalink
Updated: Friday, 7 April 2006 9:17 PM EDT

Wednesday, 5 April 2006

The dvd from Delta I got yesterday
Mood:  not sure
In the real mail yesterday I got a DVD that way made about a mouth ago when Delta held a town hall meeting in at Atlanta. It was to tell us what is happening in bankruptcy and what the plan was . It had a lot of good thing to say and it did make me feel a little better . One of the thing it talk about was that their would be a lot of noise with the pilots as they got closer to the April 16 arbitration dead line. I am wondering if they know what they are talking about or just speak so it will quite the masses. I know that they do not want the delta people to desert the ship but is it a afloat or sinking.. I want to know what they really will do if the pilots strike and if they do will it kill us . As of this minute nobody in management has said , we on the bottom of the pile think it will be over. I call the DVD the Rah Rah tapes for that is what it felt like. It felt like they brought out management to pump up the volume .
I am still being quite and to find out what my hire power want me to do. I trying to feel the force to speak. I really like to see where he want me to go if anywhere .
I wrote the above entry earlier in the day, it was before the vote to strike .In the news their was a piece on the vote to strike by the union, in it it said that even if they vote to strike it is unlikely that they would strike. It is to look solid because even a 24hr strike would bring down the company..Their is no jobs out side of Delta for a pilot nobody hiring and starting pay is 15000 to 20000 a year not their minimum 155000.00 a year( That is ave pay most pilot have been with Delta for more then 5yrs and make up to 300000.00 a year . If they do not only do I lose, the company loses and they lose no win win here . Mamaisan

Posted by sym3540 at 12:01 AM EDT | Post Comment | Permalink
Updated: Wednesday, 5 April 2006 7:07 AM EDT

Tuesday, 4 April 2006

More of my thinking
Mood:  on fire
I think this has all come about because of the looming fact that soon I may not have a job . It has creep into my soul and scared the life out me. I know that one of my big bug-a-boos is that I am afraid that I will end up on the street without anyone one to help me . In some respects I am half way there . I have raised my children to be independent . To have a life of their own and so they have. They have left the nest and found good lives and that is good. As they left the nest and went farther and farther away from it. It left me alone to find what life I could for myself. Without them I really didn't have any goals. I had left them all behind because they were my goals raising them. Now is the winter of my life I look out to figure out what the #### will I do with the rest of my life ..
In my email today I found the saying "yesterday is gone and tomorrow isn't here so live life as it is right now." It is what I have always said I did but when it begins to rain I sometimes forget. Maybe I should look at this as an Opportunity to see what I really would like to do with the rest of my life. Maybe I could see if there is another career in me. It is something I am going to give a great deal of thought to. I am going to try and live in the now letting God handle my life..
My son today know that I am very upset said to me mother you will never have to live on the streets you can come up here and live with us. My daughter has said the same thing. I know that they mean it and I know that if it is bad that I will go and live with one of them. It is just that I like to be independent and I don't want to be a burden to either of them ..Till Tomorrow this Mamaisan

Posted by sym3540 at 12:01 AM EDT | Post Comment | Permalink
Updated: Tuesday, 4 April 2006 12:26 AM EDT

Monday, 3 April 2006

Last night thoughts that I can't get away from
Mood:  hug me
My age has snuck up on me...When I think of myself I think of myself as young and that I am not. My body is failing me and I can no longer do the thing that I wish that I could do. I may wish that there was a young handsome stud in my bed but I would not know what to do with him if he were there(maybe). I may wanted to go and trample the wild country but I would not last very long out there. I wish that I could say that I was not an overweight, DVD watching, fantasy living old person but I am . How did it all happen . I worked hard all my life to raise my children. I was a single Mom having never found the right man I gave up looking and took care of my children. It was hard keep it together. My mother help a little after her second husband died. She came and lived with me so I could work longer and harder to get the bills paid . I missed a lot of my children life being on the road as a photographer but we did not starve. As I think back maybe I should have looked harder for a mate instead of give up . I will talk later about why I gave up on relationships for now know that I did . This is a start,a begin to get on paper how I feel about my life. It is a secret that I am keeping from those who know me so I can be candied here and speak the truth without them knowing what is really going on in my brain . I may at a later date let them know but for know it is my secret ...I want to talk to you in the next few days and weeks straight from my heart ..I am going to unload here and maybe that will be good and maybe not. For a while we will be talking about me as honestly as I can . This is a start of someting new for Sober on the Beach but it is a new year.Let the year begin ...Mamaisan

Posted by sym3540 at 8:45 AM EDT | Post Comment | Permalink
Updated: Monday, 3 April 2006 12:15 PM EDT

Sunday, 2 April 2006

Happy Birthday this site is One yr today
Mood:  happy
This blog was open on April 2 2005 although I have not up dated every day but it has been on the web. I am have trouble with up dating the site for the last few days and yesterday posting never posted so I have deleted it . I know that Tripod was have a little problem but this is giving me a head ache. Let hope that today they get there act together .. Mamaisan

Posted by sym3540 at 7:00 AM EST | Post Comment | Permalink
Updated: Sunday, 2 April 2006 8:15 PM EST

Wednesday, 29 March 2006

Just for My web friends
Mood:  mischievious

From my email from a dear friend I thought I would share it with you ..Mamaisan

Posted by sym3540 at 1:54 PM EST | Post Comment | Permalink

Tuesday, 28 March 2006

Mood:  sad
I watched this amazing documentary on 911 . Why was it so amazing because It started out as a documentary of a rookie fire fighter on Truck 7 Ladder 1 .. The closest station to the towers and the first on the scene. It starts by telling you about months before how it is to be a fire fighter and what happen that day. It is the only video shot inside the towers when they fell..It will tell you that this company all of them got out. It shows you some of the most amazing footage .I have seen a lot of footage but most of this was new..It show you how the men felt that day and how they felt many days after ..It is called .. 9/11: The Filmmakers' Commemorative Edition .. It will shake you to the very core..It will take you to place that you will not want to be but should see ,,We as a country should not forget and We as country should be trying to find the real people who did this instead of the substitute (that is my opinion),,Mamaisan

Posted by sym3540 at 10:39 AM EST | Post Comment | Permalink
Updated: Tuesday, 28 March 2006 2:55 PM EST

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