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alcoholism
staying sober
SOBER ON THE BEACH

Tuesday, 3 May 2005

Some days are better then others
Mood:  not sure
Topic: staying sober
Some days it is hard just to but one step in front of the other,today is one of them.It was hard for me to come back to work after being gone for so long. For the last two days I have fought with myself, "I want to go home". If you read my Blog you know that I believe that God put me in this job to make me more social. I believe after being home with my quite world, to come back to this world of people, places and things has unbalance me. I do a pretty hard job for Delta that takes a lot of information... More information that I think that anyone should know. Five and half yrs ago when I took this job if I had known I would have run for the hills. Everytime I turn around there is a training class for something. Last year I thought I would be brave and enter the world of international ..More information. God help me.. So being off from work most of April has made me rusted and being the Good alcoholic that I am, being unsure of myself has give me a headache.. I know that things will get better but my insides want to run for the hills


Posted by sym3540 at 7:30 PM EDT | Post Comment | Permalink
Updated: Monday, 9 May 2005 7:18 PM EDT

Monday, 2 May 2005

Step 11
Mood:  sad
Today after having most of April off I will go back to work. I did work a few days in April maybe ten but for the most part I have done nothing but play on the computer and rest, I needed it. It has been a hard year for me and my soul needed a chance to be quite. That brings me to Step 11 " Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him,praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out." Sometime for me it is as simple as Please in the morning and Thank You at night . Sometimes I need alot of quite time and the God of my understanding gave it to me . In the Bid, I only bid for the first week in April the last week was assigned to me and I had no choice but to take it.(We bid for vacation spots.) There were a few more days I added because I could and April became my quite time. I set up this web page again after not working on it for a long time . I felt that God would want me to do so . It was easy, I didn't have to fight up stream so I knew it was what he wanted me to do. I said I was sad but not really. I wish there was a way that I could retrier but at last there is not , SO it is back to the phone of Delta today with a smile on my face.....Mamaisan


Posted by sym3540 at 11:51 AM EDT | Post Comment | Permalink
Updated: Monday, 9 May 2005 7:29 PM EDT

Sunday, 1 May 2005

Step Ten
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: alcoholism
" Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it" This is the step that we live with, it helps us to remain in balance. For me,if I am feeling uncomfortable in my skin, I need to find out why. I live a honest life, I try not to take on city hall with any cause. I try to keep it simple and I try hard to live and let live. But as a real person not always does that work. I have raised two children and had to be father and mother to them . There were times that I had to act what I would call" bigger then life". There were times that my children needed someone that was strong and I had to be that person. I found for me that in order to do that I had to keep things in order. Last week when I became uncomfortable with the feeling I was feeling I went to work. This to me is how the 10th step works . It also means if I do something wrong to admitted and then do the work to be honest...Mamaisan


Posted by sym3540 at 1:16 PM EDT | Post Comment | Permalink
Updated: Monday, 9 May 2005 7:34 PM EDT

Saturday, 30 April 2005

My heart is Sad
Mood:  sad
As some of you know I love wrestling,I have watched it most of my life . Yesterday a wrestler died, not from drugs or alcohol, which happens a lot in wrestling, but because he broke his leg. He had to have surgery on it, a pin was put into his ankle. It is said that he got a blood clot and bleed to death before anyone could help him. He was out of the hospital and even cut a promo at TNA taping.. Nobody thought that this would happen. He was just 33yrs old and he love his craft. He worked hard to get where he was and yet it did not matter. NOBODY knows when their last day will be. I must remember to live the best I can today for I may not have tomorrow. To the friends and family of Chris, I send my prayers. Mamaisan


Posted by sym3540 at 2:15 PM EDT | Post Comment | Permalink
Updated: Monday, 9 May 2005 7:37 PM EDT

Thursday, 28 April 2005

Where I am today
Mood:  happy
Topic: staying sober
After writing the entry on step eight and nine it brought back some pain that was in my life a long time ago and that I thought was gone. So I went to work and started reading all that I could again about incest. Earlier in AA my sponsor made me do some work and even go to a therapist... Here is where all that brought me yesterday ... I see now by talking about the letters I wrote to my father that it brought it all back to me. I spent the day reading about incest and one of things I found is this; In a letter posted on the web it tells the story of one incest victim life how she relapsed and went back into the drink. How her therapist wanted her to go deeper in to what had happen to her. It said that she tried and that my doing so she almost died because she started to drink again . The reply on the letter posted made more sense to me... it was posted by alcoholic councilor. If she has done the work once then maybe it is time for her to move past it . You can rehash the pain to your death it only gives it weight . It was a big bright light in my head, why give these thought validity.Just know that they are there and move past them. I thing I need to work on making me feel better. I think I need to do things that will better me. So today I have started a diet. I will work on positive things and turn the negative over to my higher power.By doing this I feel a lot better today... Mamaisan


Posted by sym3540 at 8:37 AM EDT | Post Comment | Permalink
Updated: Monday, 9 May 2005 7:48 PM EDT

Wednesday, 27 April 2005

Just a note
Mood:  lazy
I thought I would tell you why I decided to sign my posting. In the begin I was not going to do that. My profile was up, you could look at it, but on some of the pages that I am link with it reads "Sober Ranting of Alcoholic on the Beach . Hear his story" . Well I am not a he, I am a she and you can here me sing here .One more thing Mamaisan is the handle my son gave to me when he was 12yr. I have been Mamaisan ever since so until tomorrow... Thank you for coming Mamaisan


Posted by sym3540 at 11:40 AM EDT | Post Comment | Permalink
Updated: Monday, 9 May 2005 7:52 PM EDT

Music for the Alcoholic
Mood:  lyrical
Topic: staying sober
Twelve SongsI found this site on ( Another good site) Sponsor to Sponsor... She says this on the front page. "Thank you for visiting Twelve Songs.com. My name is Mary Lyn and I am a sober alcoholic. I am also a wife, a mother and a singer-songwriter. I hit bottom at age 24. That?s when I was introduced to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.
At five years of sobriety, I got married, then gave birth to my two daughters and distanced myself from ?the program?, putting my ?Big Book? in the closet along with my guitar. Another five years later, with my spirit completely broken, I returned to A.A., now willing to go to any length to stay sober. I bought a new ?Big Book?, a new guitar, and did my best to learn them both again.
I have been very blessed in both my sobriety and my career. I perform regularly and recently completed my first CD, ?Twelve Songs.? Inspired by achieving recovery through the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, each song uniquely relates to a corresponding step.
I have endeavored to create music that will inspire anyone at any stage of recovery and I truly hope this CD will bring joy to all who listen.
May God bless you! Mary Lyn B."

I have always loved music and at one time carried and played the guitar myself but I turned in my guitar for a camera and a paint brush talent in which I felt more at home with . I love to see that other alcoholics use there talent to help them get sober .. Mamaisan


Posted by sym3540 at 11:14 AM EDT | Post Comment | Permalink
Updated: Monday, 9 May 2005 8:03 PM EDT

Tuesday, 26 April 2005

Step eight and nine
Topic: alcoholism
Step eight reads " Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all." Step nine reads " Made direst amends to such people wherever possible,except when to do so would injure them or others." When I took my fifth step my sponsor had me write down the people that I had harmed from the fourth step .(Very bright lady get me started in the right direction.. She was making sure that I just didn't stop at the fifth step that I went on to work the rest of them) . In a later meeting we went over them just to make sure I had not left anyone out. I had to return some money that I had stolen . I am a child of incest also . It is the reason I began to drink so young . I did not know how to be a young teenager. My father took that from me . She wanted me to write a letter to my dead father telling him how I felt. How I resented him and what he had taken from me. If I was to find in me a peace I had to find away not to hate this man . I needed to understand that I also loved him because before this happened he had been my knight in shinning armer. For me there were others I had to talk with but nothing was as hard as the letter I wrote to him and then one I wrote to myself letting me know that I was just a child and it was aright to be afraid. Even today after all these years the emotion is right there as I write this blog I feel it .. I will say it is not like it was but has turn to sadness that may never leave me. God in his way has lead me down a path that has helped me to be a more social person. I may never be the bell of the ball but I can do better at talking to members of the opposite sex....Mamaisan


Posted by sym3540 at 1:09 PM EDT | Post Comment | Permalink
Updated: Monday, 9 May 2005 8:11 PM EDT

Monday, 25 April 2005

Check this site out, it is about Alcoholism A whole world away
Mood:  chatty
"going home dot com I sometimes forget that alcoholics come in all color and sizes. I forget that there are alcoholics in every country of the world. My sight is short sighted on what I know, not what is. Here is a site from across the world away but the story and the words are just the same .He says "I am an alcoholic. I know this now. I know that for me there can be no more drinking of any kind. No social drinking, no limiting the amount of beer I drink to two or three." Now tell me doesn't that sound just like you or me ..It looks like the site comes from Africa. In AA we will learn and live in all corners of the world...we are global. My story as a white woman living in the USA and a black man in Africa have somethings in common We just can not drink . Not a beer on a hot day or a cocktail after a hard day.I hope you will read his site because he is sharing the message and the message is the same .....Again let me Thank Dryblog,comone of the best site to find good thing about alcoholism and sobriety ....Mamaisan


Posted by sym3540 at 10:44 AM EDT | Post Comment | Permalink
Updated: Monday, 9 May 2005 8:15 PM EDT

Sunday, 24 April 2005

Today I had a very quite day on some nature trails here in Fla
Mood:  special
Topic: staying sober
A Day on the Fla Trails I used to earn a living as a portrait photographer. I did this for about 17years. It is a young person game and very hard work. I retired because I could not play the game any more, my body was worn out.I just did not have another Christmas season in me. It was then about 5 years ago I went to work for Delta . I made my living taking pictures of children, my passion was for the outdoors and the wildlife. I love being out there. It was like being alone with my Higher Power. I love the quite. It was really too bad I never learned how to make a living out of it. My Higher Plower knew me I think and decided that I would have to learn to speak with other human beings instead of living in my shell. So the living I made was with people all around me and my quite time became so very special to me... Mamaisan


Posted by sym3540 at 6:22 PM EDT | Post Comment | Permalink
Updated: Monday, 9 May 2005 8:19 PM EDT

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