Saturday, 14 May 2005

Part of my story
Mood:  lazy
I was sober for about year and I was always getting myself in trouble with some guy ..When my sponsor at the time asked me if I was dealing with a full deck and that I should be working the program and forget the guys. . When I was 8 yrs sober my sponsor at that time said to me after I just got myself out of another relationship "NO MEN for one 1yr.." That was the year I wrote my best four step . That was the year I turn men over to God .. I like to say that I found a good relationship and had a wonderful life with a man BUT that just did not happen for me . I guess what I found out in that years was that I really like me and my picker for picking men was broke. I didn't need to pick men who were not good for me and I could live without have a man around . I have to say also that I was single mother and I need not to be drag men into my children life that were not good for them either.. I usually keep them pretty well separated but I found that once in a while they would meet so and so . I just didn't want that . I am sixty and I have live my life since that time with out men . It looks like God just didn't find one for me or he thought I was better off . My serenity got better . I just was not going to put myself in anymore bad relationship . It OK my dog Leroy and my son and grandson are now the men in my life .Well maybe someday God will find one but he hasn't yet . Well that enough from me ...Sandy

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Friday, 13 May 2005

The Merry go Round
I found this post on the Recovery Inn Web site ..So important was it that I copy and paste and set it up on it own web page .. The person who posted said that he was just the massager he called it a play.. It is by far the best description of an alcoholism I have ever read... Even those he describe the alcoholic as he.... believe me I can find myself in there ..It is wonderful please take the time to read for it is long The Merry Go Round

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Thursday, 12 May 2005

Reflections
Explorefaith.org... "Forgiving, Again and Again
Some years ago I came across an idea that helped clarify and deepen my understanding of forgiveness. Forgiveness means relinquishment. It's that simple. To relinquish something is to release whatever power it holds over us. If I forgive someone for a wrong done to me, I no longer allow that event to determine how
I treat the other person. I may remember the wrong or I may forget it, but either way I have disarmed it. It no longer determines my actions, thoughts, or words. Forgiveness in this sense is rarely easy or quick. How often do we say, we forgive another person, but still hold a secret grudge? Because of its difficulty, forgiveness
has to be practiced. It is less an act than a way of living, a discipline, a cultivated skill. I think this is why Jesus told his students to forgive seventy times seven (Matthew 18:21). True forgiveness often comes only at the end of an inner struggle."I get their email every few days I just loved todays. Mamaisan

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Updated: Thursday, 12 May 2005 1:21 PM EDT

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Survivors of Incest Anonymous
If you like me started down the path alcoholism because of a abuse here is a site that can help....
This site is intended to be a resource to survivors of child sexual abuse and we hope it can be an aid in your recovery. Survivors of Incest Anonymous
They have email online meeting that is very helpful ..It is a small group and you receive email of those like yourself that are trying to survive ..This is a great site Mamaisan

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Tuesday, 10 May 2005

A Lazy day
Mood:  lazy
Topic: staying sober
I like lazy days where I have no one to answer to but me. I have been working on the front art work of this web page .I keep pulling it up on the Adobe thinking I can make it better.... I know, I know I am such a perfectionist sometimes. It is one of my character defects it is hard sometimes for me to stop and not over work it. I sometimes do that in my personal life as well... over work the problem, over think it.What I like about the Adobe is that you can go back and undue a part of the work. In life you can go back and undue somethings but there are times when once it is done you can not undue it..Nor can I fix some problem by working harder . I am glad that their is a higher power that will help me understand what it is I can change. Mamaisan

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Updated: Thursday, 12 May 2005 11:35 AM EDT

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Monday, 9 May 2005

The best gift is Love
Tonight my daughter was here visiting,I asked if she had seen my new front page that I loaded this weekend for the web site "Sober on the Beach". "No," she said," but I have never read your blog either".She sat down and read my the Blog and then sat down and edit it. I know that I sometime leave small words out and s where there needs to be s. I will read and reread and edit and reedit again and again but still we found so many. She sat their so patient, we worked on the entries after about 10 of them she turn to me and said "Mother you have made me what I am today and I love you for it". Now there is a Mother's Day gift. Thank you God for this day. Mamaisan

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Updated: Thursday, 12 May 2005 11:37 AM EDT

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Sunday, 8 May 2005

Happy Mother's Days
Mood:  special
I just wanted to wish everyone's mother "A Happy Mother's Day". I am very grateful that I am here today and I was blessed with two wonderful children. My son is in Boston and called me yesterday. My daughter is also visiting her boy friend and will be back tomorrow to take me to dinner. If not for the AA program I might not even have this day. I may not even have the love of my children,if I had not gotten sober I would have missed all of it. So Today I want to sent a BIG THANKS to my higher power for what he has done... a special one from my heart to him ...Mamaisan

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Updated: Monday, 9 May 2005 6:50 PM EDT

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Saturday, 7 May 2005

THE PROMISES
Mood:  cheeky
I love this page in the Big Book and never get tried of reading them ..so I thought on the eve of mother's day I would bring to you my favorite

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.

We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.

We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.

No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.

That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.

We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.

Self-seeking will slip away.

Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.

Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.

We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.

We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves......
I like to wrap these promises around me like a warm blanket. I have seen God work in my life ..I always know that the grace of God will help me through the rough spots in my life if I just let him and even if I don't he will help me when I am scared. I sometimes get scared and I let that feeling manifested in me, but as scared as I get I do what has to be done and he walks with me. After I wounder, why I let all that emotions get me and what I was so scared about. Most of the time I realized that it was not as bad as I make it out to be

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Updated: Monday, 9 May 2005 6:54 PM EDT

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Friday, 6 May 2005

Part of my story
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: alcoholism
Till I was 11yrs old my father was my hero, he had been a great Dad . What I realize now is that I was so mad at this man that I loved and trusted,In one single act he took from me a father that did not existed and my self assuredness. He reduced me to a pile of pain, not so much by the physical act but by the betrayal of my trust . I never felt safe again in my own home, although he never tried again because I finally did say no. I knew I could never get the man back that I had Loved and trusted. In my life after that I could not find a way to related to men, unless I had a lot of alcohol thus took me down the path to alcoholism . At the age of 30yr I stopped and got help and on Nov 4 of this yr I will have 30yrs sobriety . With the help of some real hero's in AA and my son, they have taught me to trust men a little and I have learned to be better socially then I have every been..I am a long way away from have a normal life . One child out of wed lock and one in a marriage that last long enough to have her. In AA the serenity pray says.... God grant me the serenity to except the things I can not change . I had to learn to except the fact that I could not change my father or what happened I have to learn how to be adult on my own... I will have to say one more thing I did get two beautiful children ... Thank for listening

Posted by sym3540 at 11:22 AM EDT | Post Comment | Permalink
Updated: Monday, 9 May 2005 7:03 PM EDT

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Thursday, 5 May 2005

12 Step
Mood:  lazy
"Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principle in all our affairs" Father Martin said when ask how far should we go to help the alcoholic he said " as far as they will let you and then one step more". I love his one step more. We work with our fellow alcoholic who show up at meetings. We go and get anyone that calls AA hot line but Father Martin say that their maybe still suffering alcoholic who may not come to us we may have to go to them. He said he was not talking about pulling them off their bar stools but into each of our lives may come an alcoholic that we could help if we just tried and some we might have to try harder.
There is also one more thought about "12 step" and I think that Paul said it best when he wrote the young Christian Church in Rome in his 12th letter it says.... "Abhor that which is evil and cleave to the good; and in love be kindly affectionate to one another." ..Mamaisan

Posted by sym3540 at 12:13 PM EDT | Post Comment | Permalink
Updated: Monday, 9 May 2005 7:08 PM EDT

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