Sunday, 22 May 2005

Higher Power
Mood:  bright
This is not mine but was written by someone in a SIA 12step email program that I belong to . It is exactly how I found my higher power so I wanted to bring it to you ... I hope you enjoy this :
Quote:
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I would think "Where the hell was God when I needed Him, when I begged for Him, or someone, or something to get me out of this hell hole called home?"

What was suggested to me was to get a new God, maybe even give it a new name, Higher Power, or Greater Intelligence, or Loving Presence, or whatever worked. And then create this Higher Power to my own specifications. I was told to almost treat it like I was writing a want ad for a job. Then to describe the characteristics that this Power, or Presence would have. Well, you can imagine, the first quality MY higher power would have to have is: Watch over ME. CARE about ME. I also wrote in my "ad" that the power had to be loving and kind and gentle and patient. That the power had to always be by my side, wether I noticed or not. That the power had to help me choose the right path for ME, day in day out.

Once I had a good description of what kind of Higher Power I wanted and needed, I was told to just start believing that IT is there for me. It took a long long time...but I slowly started to believe in a Presence that WAS there for me. My higher power is neither male or female, is is beyond genders. However, I have learned to believe in it, to trust it, and to have faith that no matter what my past is, I survived. That I may never ever understand why I had to endure what I did, but that it was not at all my fault, but the fault of the perpetrator(s.) My higher power has apologized for not rescuing me sooner, but time is a weird thing
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....Thank You Lynda

Posted by sym3540 at 7:25 AM EDT | Post Comment | View Comments (1) | Permalink
Updated: Sunday, 22 May 2005 7:38 AM EDT

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Thursday, 19 May 2005

Recovery
The only person whose recovery I can work is mine. I notice to today that I was taking somebody else temperature and not my own. If I am worrying about how you are working your program then guess what I am not working mine.I belong to email group that talk about their recovery only lately I not heard much recovery. It got a little under my skin today and I said something. I had to go back to that person and say I was sorry. I truly was only sharing my experience strength and hope... but I was also taking their temperature which is none of my business. I am glad that I have a higher power that helps me learn more about me and gives me time to work on my charterer defects .. Mamaisan

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Wednesday, 18 May 2005

A True story
Mood:  special
This is a true story... when I was a one years sober my son who was a little wild at the time, it was the afternoon of his seventh birthday. My best friend and I had given him a birthday party and this hyper boy became even more hyper, cake and all.. He had a good time at his party and we had come home. I was putting his little sister down in her bed she is about three then.. I realized that mike didn't have his shoes on. I put Christa in her bed because she was asleep and turn to mike and said where are your shoes before I realized what happened he dash as fast as he could out the door and down the step saying that they are at the park.. I just didn't have time to react before he had slam the door . I follow as fast as I could but before I could get to the landing I knew he was not going to stop and look for cars.. I had just open my mouth to scream at him when I caught the car out of the corner of my eye and knew he was going to be hit. The car was going about 25miles hour and hit him directly, it threw him about 20feet down the street by this time I on the street running to him. Somebody else must have seen it because the fireman were there in minute and I didn't call . I reach him and he seem to be OK but I was a wreck . The fireman was come behind me with the paramedics.I could not believe they were there.. They told me that they were on the way back from a call when this call came in.... they were only minutes from here . I rode with mike while they took him to the emergency room, They kept asking me to not to cry saying please take it easy he looks to be OK. When we got to the emergency room the doctor could not find anything wrong with him .. Mike keep say that the angle had caught him and he told everyone that day.. The doctor said ," Son I believe you because their isn't even a bad bruise on you... The doctor could understand why he was hurt at all. They ex-rayed him from head to toe . From that day to this god of my understanding had alway done for me what I could not.. He seen me through some pretty bad places . From that day to this I knew that I was not alone ... some time I do have to be remind like any good alcoholic I tend to forget when I am in pain ...

Posted by sym3540 at 6:45 PM EDT | Post Comment | Permalink
Updated: Wednesday, 18 May 2005 11:58 PM EDT

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Tuesday, 17 May 2005

My Story
Topic: alcoholism
I have written small parts of my story all over this blog. What I have done on this page is put it together so it could be read as one time My Story

Posted by sym3540 at 7:16 PM EDT | Post Comment | View Comments (1) | Permalink

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Monday, 16 May 2005

I love to read
Mood:  lazy
I love to read, give a good murder mystery or books Like Harry Potter , Lord of the Rings and I am a very happy lady. I rarely have the time where I can sit down and read a book at one sitting .Yesterday I started the book Entombed by Linda Falrstein. I just could not put it down . It has everything from murder to Edgar Allen Poe to Alcoholism. It keep my attention and I enjoy in immensely . If you like that kind of book you will like this one.I like chalking up lazy days Talk to you later Mamaisan

Posted by sym3540 at 7:57 PM EDT | Post Comment | Permalink
Updated: Monday, 16 May 2005 11:01 PM EDT

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Saturday, 14 May 2005

Part of my story
Mood:  lazy
I was sober for about year and I was always getting myself in trouble with some guy ..When my sponsor at the time asked me if I was dealing with a full deck and that I should be working the program and forget the guys. . When I was 8 yrs sober my sponsor at that time said to me after I just got myself out of another relationship "NO MEN for one 1yr.." That was the year I wrote my best four step . That was the year I turn men over to God .. I like to say that I found a good relationship and had a wonderful life with a man BUT that just did not happen for me . I guess what I found out in that years was that I really like me and my picker for picking men was broke. I didn't need to pick men who were not good for me and I could live without have a man around . I have to say also that I was single mother and I need not to be drag men into my children life that were not good for them either.. I usually keep them pretty well separated but I found that once in a while they would meet so and so . I just didn't want that . I am sixty and I have live my life since that time with out men . It looks like God just didn't find one for me or he thought I was better off . My serenity got better . I just was not going to put myself in anymore bad relationship . It OK my dog Leroy and my son and grandson are now the men in my life .Well maybe someday God will find one but he hasn't yet . Well that enough from me ...Sandy

Posted by sym3540 at 11:34 AM EDT | Post Comment | View Comments (3) | Permalink

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Friday, 13 May 2005

The Merry go Round
I found this post on the Recovery Inn Web site ..So important was it that I copy and paste and set it up on it own web page .. The person who posted said that he was just the massager he called it a play.. It is by far the best description of an alcoholism I have ever read... Even those he describe the alcoholic as he.... believe me I can find myself in there ..It is wonderful please take the time to read for it is long The Merry Go Round

Posted by sym3540 at 11:55 PM EDT | Post Comment | Permalink

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Thursday, 12 May 2005

Reflections
Explorefaith.org... "Forgiving, Again and Again
Some years ago I came across an idea that helped clarify and deepen my understanding of forgiveness. Forgiveness means relinquishment. It's that simple. To relinquish something is to release whatever power it holds over us. If I forgive someone for a wrong done to me, I no longer allow that event to determine how
I treat the other person. I may remember the wrong or I may forget it, but either way I have disarmed it. It no longer determines my actions, thoughts, or words. Forgiveness in this sense is rarely easy or quick. How often do we say, we forgive another person, but still hold a secret grudge? Because of its difficulty, forgiveness
has to be practiced. It is less an act than a way of living, a discipline, a cultivated skill. I think this is why Jesus told his students to forgive seventy times seven (Matthew 18:21). True forgiveness often comes only at the end of an inner struggle."I get their email every few days I just loved todays. Mamaisan

Posted by sym3540 at 1:17 PM EDT | Post Comment | Permalink
Updated: Thursday, 12 May 2005 1:21 PM EDT

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Survivors of Incest Anonymous
If you like me started down the path alcoholism because of a abuse here is a site that can help....
This site is intended to be a resource to survivors of child sexual abuse and we hope it can be an aid in your recovery. Survivors of Incest Anonymous
They have email online meeting that is very helpful ..It is a small group and you receive email of those like yourself that are trying to survive ..This is a great site Mamaisan

Posted by sym3540 at 11:28 AM EDT | Post Comment | Permalink

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Tuesday, 10 May 2005

A Lazy day
Mood:  lazy
Topic: staying sober
I like lazy days where I have no one to answer to but me. I have been working on the front art work of this web page .I keep pulling it up on the Adobe thinking I can make it better.... I know, I know I am such a perfectionist sometimes. It is one of my character defects it is hard sometimes for me to stop and not over work it. I sometimes do that in my personal life as well... over work the problem, over think it.What I like about the Adobe is that you can go back and undue a part of the work. In life you can go back and undue somethings but there are times when once it is done you can not undue it..Nor can I fix some problem by working harder . I am glad that their is a higher power that will help me understand what it is I can change. Mamaisan

Posted by sym3540 at 8:17 PM EDT | Post Comment | Permalink
Updated: Thursday, 12 May 2005 11:35 AM EDT

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