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alcoholism
staying sober
SOBER ON THE BEACH

Saturday, 16 April 2005

The Big Bad Fourth Step
Mood:  special
Topic: alcoholism
Now we will start the steps that require us to work. "Seeing a man who was tilling the earth, a fool, unable to control himself, cried out, "Why are you ruining this soil?" "Fool," said the man, "leave me alone: Try to recognize the difference between tending the soil and wasting it. How will this soil become a rose garden until it is disturbed and overturned?" This is what the forth step is, we will tend the soil of our soul by tending to to the places that needs to be tilled. There are fourth step out there made by varying company's to help you take this step ..They are good but this is what I recommended because it is how I took my last fourth step. Yes, I have taken this step more then once . Maybe the first two were practice step or maybe I just didn't find the right sponsor to help me. Yes I believe in order to take this step you need a sponsor. What is a sponsor? That is someone who is in AA and who will help you go through the steps. If you don't have one.. find one.How do you do that you say....Well, while you are attending meeting look for someone that sobriety you like and ask that person to help you. In most case they will say yes or give you a reason why not.Now back to the fourth step. My sponsor had me get some 3 x 5 cards . I had two weeks to do it . On these cards I was to list those experience in my life where I had resentments of others . Who it was ..What was the resentment .. and why I had it .. I was also to List any wrong doing that I had done ..Who it was ... What I did .. and why I did it . Example #1 .. I resented my mother for the way she treated while she was drinking .. Self-esteem (fear)Security..I wanted her love. Example #2 I stole money from my employer .. Because I need the money to feed my children ..because earlier in the week I had spent the money on booze (fear).Are you getting the idea. Now here is the part that My sponsor made me do that was the hardest . For every 3x5 card that I had wrong doing on and resentment on I had to have a card of what my talent are or what good things that I had done . Example #3 I a good photographer .. It give me good self-esteem. Most of us are so beaten down by the time we come to AA that we can not see that there is anything good in us .
It is also important that when you take this fourth sept that you be ready to take the fifth. You can not tile this soil with out the help of a gardener that will tell you what to do with the weeds.. Believe me we have a lot of weeds to get rid of or maybe I should say that I had a lot of weeds ..When this is done it will be the start of a way life that will bring in years flowers .

"Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves"





Posted by sym3540 at 8:33 AM EDT | Post Comment | Permalink
Updated: Tuesday, 10 May 2005 3:39 AM EDT

Friday, 15 April 2005

This Hippie Child
Mood:  cool
This afternoon as I was driving home from picking up my grandson from school he put on the radio and we grooved all the way home to oldie but goodies music. It remind me when I was young with long blond hair and alligator boots up to here. We grooved for the hour or so it take to drive home laughing and singing...LIFE IS SO GOOD..It is at these time that I realizes what it is that I truly got 29yrs ago when I got sober ..



Posted by sym3540 at 4:30 PM EDT | Post Comment | Permalink
Updated: Saturday, 16 April 2005 6:52 AM EDT

Step Three
Mood:  energetic
Topic: alcoholism
Step 3 read from the Big Book "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him." The first three step goes like this I can't... He can...I think I will let him . I have under line the word decision it is an important word. What I... What my fellow alcoholics have to do in this step is to decided to turn our will over to God. In the second step we came to believe but in this step we are acting on that belief. Our will, we are the great decider's as to how our lives should be. Sometimes our will and God will may not be the same. That is why I love the Serenity Prayer because nine time out of ten I don't know what is the right for me I only think I do. When I took this step for the first time, my sponsor asked me to say a little prayer in the words that I felt comfortable with, saying to my higher power that I was turning over my will to him and letting him handle my life from now on. NOBODY DOES THIS PERFECTLY WE ALL TRY TO TAKE IT BACK BUT WHAT WE ARE TRYING TO DO... ONE DAY AT A TIME IS LET GOD HANDLE OUR LIVE.. Then one day you wake up and you find that you're asking God what to do before you run off head strong and decide what to do on your own..


Posted by sym3540 at 3:31 AM EDT | Post Comment | View Comments (2) | Permalink
Updated: Tuesday, 10 May 2005 7:31 PM EDT

Thursday, 14 April 2005

Mamaisan is frustrated
Mood:  happy
I hate when I let something as silly as a computer frustrated me . Today I am trying to print my taxes and the silly thing wouldn't do it . I will try at work .I hate pdf files .I never have much luck with them .I'm saying my God grant me today big time .. I hope you are having a better day then I am ...I just wanted to up date this to let you know that the printing of my taxes went well at work today . I need to learn to relaxes when things are not going well. I tend to over reacted. I also want to say that I am grateful that my higher power is there to hold my hand when , as my daughter would say ,I am being a worry wart


Posted by sym3540 at 9:47 AM EDT | Post Comment | Permalink
Updated: Thursday, 14 April 2005 11:26 PM EDT

Wednesday, 13 April 2005

I'm a child of Alcoholic
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: staying sober
Losing Tom I'm a child of alcoholic my mother ,my sept father and I did not know until late in life my father (my father I never saw him drink nor was he sober .. He is my example of a dry drunk).The website is one man family telling their story in film about the life of Tom the father and his dieing. It made me remember a lot .My family was the greatest stumbling block in me knowing that I had a problem ."They were the drunks .. not me " I don't know how many times I have said that .My mother died of, well her liver died and then she did.It was a really strange thing to see one week she seem to be OK then all of a sudden she was dead . She was a great lady in many way but like all of us she had a lot of stuff. I was never so grateful that on her death bed it was my family who were the strong ones . My daughter who help hold her as she died. My son who was on the phone with my sister because she would not come because she did not believe me. Myself holding my mother as she left this life telling her that she could go to god and rest well . I was grateful that I was sober that day and that I stayed that way . Our families are the blocks that we are made of it made me realized that even in their disease there were some good block for me to build on .


Posted by sym3540 at 10:04 AM EDT | Post Comment | Permalink
Updated: Wednesday, 13 April 2005 12:56 PM EDT

Tuesday, 12 April 2005

Step Two
Topic: alcoholism
The second step in AA read "Came to believe that a power greater then ourselves could restore us to sanity" Every alcoholic will tell you of the insane things that they did while drinking. How many times do we say to ourselves I will not drink again after a bad bout with booze only to started up again later that day . For me there was a couple of small children I was cheating out of a good mother . Why would I put them in danger by drinking and driving with then in the car I did not know . I thought I had a belief in a God of my understanding..What I did not realizes how much of my life I ruled and how little I trusted this higher power to do for me .A belief that was as empty of spirit as the Church I attended. What I found I need for me was a far more personal God. I had to trusted God to take away the insanity of this disease One Day at a Time. I had to learn to live in the NOW no matter what happen . I started by saying Please in the morning and Thank You at night...There was a picture on the wall of one of the meeting that I attended .It was a small kitten hang on to a branch of a tree for dear life . That was me in the beginning and even today when life gives me life I see the kitten holding on and I picture hands of my god holding me up..One last thing I will not tell you what your higher power should be I will only say it should be something in which you can believe in . If you have no belief then believe the the power of good in the group of alcoholics will help you.....


Posted by sym3540 at 2:35 PM EDT | Post Comment | Permalink

Monday, 11 April 2005

If You are young and a drunk ... Check this out
Koren Zailckas This a quote right of the dryblog page ""The life of a young drunk is not a continuous fall into the pit of abject alcohol abuse. It is a herky-jerky evolution. You slip, you trip, and you tumble into the habit of drinking when you are afraid, or enraged, or heartsick, and every so often, you hit a ledge from which you can see how deep into dependence you are. Every so often, you feel so lost in the hollow of your own need that you decide to try to hoist yourself out of it."
- Koren Zailckas, from her book 'Smashed: Story of a Drunken Girlhood'" She will be on a Show tonightCocktails at 5 International listener check your time Addiction Talk Show Live Online Monday
From 5-6 pm Pacific Time; 6-7 pm Mountain;
7-8 pm Midwest; 8-9 pm Eastern Canada & US
(International listeners, see the Time Converter below):..Why did I put this up because it is very important to hear the young speak or maybe because I was a young girl just like her with similar but different story's



Posted by sym3540 at 11:39 AM EDT | Post Comment | Permalink

Sunday, 10 April 2005

Let talk about the frist step
Topic: alcoholism
This will be the first of twelve Blog where I will talk about the step in AA and what they mean to me. The first step says "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol ...That our lives had become unmanageable".Nobody like to admitted they are powerless .We all think that we have the power to control our lives. It is hard to believe that a substance that I put in a glass was controlling me and causing me all these problems .I was a young drinker and I got into a lot of trouble . The first time someone talked to me about my drinking I was a senor in Hight School just 19yrs and running with an older crowd.I did not hear a word she was saying not really . I told her I did but what did she know so I got drunk once in a while so what . It would be 11 more years before I would really hear anyone. I was thirty when I stop drink in 1975 . I was a drinker that could go for long periods and not drink but when I did look out . What got me the most was why I could not drink like a normal person socially . I really hated what happen to me and what I did when I was drunk . A friend of mine had gone to AA only 6mos earlier and one day on the beach she said for me to take this test .. Well I failed of course.. It was a few weeks later after a really bad night I asked her if I could go with her to her meeting .. I had to admit that I was powerless and I did not like it but I did not want to drink either . As I sat in the meeting everyone was talking I realized that they were just like me. If normal people are purple then Alcoholics are green . It hard being green but green is what I was and I was never going to be purple .. Most of us give a right arm to be purple after 29yr I am grateful to be green


Posted by sym3540 at 5:38 PM EDT | Post Comment | Permalink
Updated: Tuesday, 12 April 2005 2:42 PM EDT

Saturday, 9 April 2005

This is one of my most favorite links
Mood:  happy
I know this link is on the link page but It is so full of good stuff I just want to Post a Thanks for what he does .It has everything you needWhat a great site


Posted by sym3540 at 5:39 PM EDT | Post Comment | Permalink
Updated: Saturday, 9 April 2005 5:44 PM EDT

Friday, 8 April 2005

INTO EACH LIFE THEIR IS SUN SHINE AND RAIN
Mood:  bright
Topic: staying sober
The rain in my live, I seem to remember better then I do the sunshine .It's a character defect. I've work on it all my sobriety especially in time when life is not going well . I forget all the sunshine in my life. The sun shine in this picture is my son girl friends grandchild (She is a very young grandmother.). That I treat like she was my grand baby.. This child has had 3 open heart surgery . She is a miracle to be here and just look at her smile. When I feel like life has given me more then I can handle.. I try and find something that make me smile . She does !


Posted by sym3540 at 8:34 PM EDT | Post Comment | Permalink

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